


Breathe in the Light

by rogueshadows



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Feelings, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 03:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17655083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rogueshadows/pseuds/rogueshadows
Summary: Cassian can't stand to see Luke doubt himself.





	Breathe in the Light

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to ANTchan for beta'ing this into shape and to pontmercyingtilthecowscomehome for reading through and being so supportive!

Something has been off since he and Luke arrived on Atrisia. Not blatantly, but in small ways, hesitations and silences sinking in where once there had been ease between them. Their quest itself hasn’t been nearly as easy, seeking out the Jedi files hidden away across the stars, but it’s still the closest to a vacation either of them has had in years. Perhaps in his entire lifetime, if Cassian is honest. Together, travelling through countless spaceports, chasing down clues and secrets. Cassian still isn’t sure why Luke had chosen him, aside from the excuses of his experience, but he’s been glad for it until now. Now, as Luke slumps across from him at their tiny dining table in their equally tiny rented quarters, he’s starting to wish he hadn’t worked so hard to get them here at all.

Cassian has spent the last few days letting Luke have his space, his privacy, but tonight the weight on Luke’s shoulders seems to be threatening to crush him. “Luke…” he starts softly, waiting until Luke raises his eyes from the table, “are you alright?”

Luke sighs, his exhaustion clear. Cassian almost expects him to lie, as Luke always tends to when it comes to his own pain. But instead the dam breaks, and Luke swallows hard. “I’m just...I’m not like them, not like I should be. I spend all day pouring over the holocrons at the old temple and...I know I’m not enough, not living up to what the Force wants me to be. You know?” Luke casts his eyes down at his hands, his disappointment palpable enough to make Cassian ache too. The unfairness of it strikes Cassian like a physical blow.

“You should be _glad_ you’re not like them,” Cassian says, the words come out harsher than he means them to, startling them both. He should stop there but finds he doesn’t want to, unable to sit quietly and watch Luke berate himself any longer over the matter. “They weren’t all heroes, you know. It was the Jedi who exploited the Clone Army, who failed to see Palpatine for what he was, who led us all here.”

“Cass, I didn’t think-” Luke starts, expression full of regret, no doubt remembering the small slips of family history Cassian’s let loose over the years they’ve known each other. How Fest had suffered dearly in the Clone Wars, and the fact that his father had been one of the many caught in the crossfire for dissenting.

Cassian holds a hand up, stalling the apology he can sense is coming. “I know, and I don’t judge you for wanting to know more about the past, I don’t.” Cassian takes a step closer to Luke, crowding into his space, refusing to feel self conscious. It’s been a while since he’s tread this close, always edging towards the impossible _something_ that could be between them. He’s never let it _be_ something between them, not during the war, and not now that it’s over in both name and fanfare. Not when Luke is the Hope of the Galaxy and Cassian is… a relic of a life too bloody and wartorn. 

“But?” Luke prompts quietly, clearly bracing himself for the worst but demanding the truth nonetheless. Admirable even in his vulnerability, in ways he probably would never realize for himself. 

Luke accepts the easy touch of Cassian’s hand at his elbow without flinching, tipping his chin up, watching Cassian with curious eyes. “You’re better than every last one of them.” 

Luke’s brow furrows and opens his mouth to protest. “That’s not-” Cassian’s eyes spark a warning, dismissing the argument just as quick.

“It’s the truth, something I’ve never had to think twice about. The Jedi Order saw themselves as a monolith, untouchable, _unbeatable_. Too caught up in tradition to see the galaxy for what it was, blind to the suffering they left in their wake.” His words strike too close to home only for that moment, forcing his voice level as he banishes his loss again, focusing in on Luke. “All with the excuse that the Force willed it? I don’t buy it, and neither do you. When your master told you to leave Han and Leia behind-”

“Maybe I should have listened,” Luke argues softly, cybernetic hand clenching and unclenching with the ghost of some memory. Even with Han saved and the battles left in the past, Luke still carries so much guilt, another strand of connection between them. 

“No,” Cassian says, taking Luke’s hand in his own without elaborating, stopping the cycle of what-ifs in its tracks. Luke huffs a dark laugh at that but doesn’t pull away.

“You seem so certain,” Luke murmurs, gripping Cassian’s hand back. Cassian rubs a thumb over his knuckles, wondering if the synthskin bothers Luke as much as it had Bodhi, enough that he gave his up altogether.

“And you trust me, yes?”

Luke pauses for a long beat, biting his lip before he speaks. “More than anyone.”

The answer feels like an admission, loosening something dangerous in Cassian’s chest, this thing carried between them for too long. A hopeful connection built from that very first time Luke met him in the med wing. Over the years where he slowly wore at Cassian’s shields, lowering them day by day. Until they found their way to this moment, alone in their rented quarters, with Luke needing him just as much.

“Then trust that you’re kinder and wiser, strong enough to find real balance where they failed. And please, don’t try to tell me you’re anything less.”

“Cassian,” Luke says, in a mix of wonder and exasperation, his blue eyes like dusk, just before the stars break through. 

“I mean it,” Cassian admits, unwilling to back down holding back more words that would undo him completely. He untangles his hand from Luke’s, remembering himself enough to take a step back again. A breath of distance that doesn’t stop Luke from reaching out, gripping the collar of Cassian’s jacket before he can retreat.

“Not so fast,” Luke says, amused and warm. “I have a few compliments of my own, you know?” 

“That’s not why I told you.” Cassian shakes his head, knowing he shouldn’t have let himself so close. He's no more than a comet in orbit, drawn in with little effort, circling endlessly around Luke's bright star. 

“I know,” Luke says, with just the slightest air of annoyance. “Doesn’t mean you can stop me, though.” 

“Alright, tell me about how wonderful I am then,” Cassian answers dryly, banishing his panic long enough to tease. The words find their mark in Luke’s blooming smile.

“I want you to take me seriously,” Luke starts, gentle words betraying their bantering tone, falling back into something real. “And listen, because Cassian… the only reason I’m still here, that the Alliance lasted at all is men like you, or maybe just _you_ alone. I know how much you’ve given and how much it’s cost and I-”

“Luke,” Cassian cuts him off and he can see Luke’s frustration immediately, the fact that Cassian won’t patiently bear the kind words in return. Maybe he’ll never be able to, and maybe Luke will have to live with that, because now all Cassian wants is to kiss him. He covers the hand Luke wrapped in his collar and finally gives into the gravity between them, pressing in to kiss any further praise from Luke’s lips.

Luke reacts in stages of disbelief, a shocked _‘oh’_ on his lips, his free hand seeking purchase in Cassian’s hair, clinging close as if they both might fly away without his will. His lips are gentle, yielding freely at the slightest pressure of Cassian’s own, trusting him just like he’d sworn. Luke kisses back with worshipful ease, focused and fervent and overwhelming. It’s everything Cassian had stopped himself from picturing, from wanting too much, and now somehow he’d slipped. Luke breaks away, the sound of Cassian’s name on his lips, pressing their foreheads together as they catch their breaths.

“Better than your compliments,” Cassian murmurs, only to be kissed again, light and teasing and fast becoming his favorite feeling in the galaxy. It’s impossible that he’s earned it, after a life with blood on his hands, but perhaps that knowledge is penance enough. Just by allowing Luke the happiness he’s owed.

“Don’t think you can stall those forever,” Luke breathes, loosening his grip in Cassian’s jacket to cup his cheek instead. Cassian leans into the touch and Luke laughs, saying nothing more despite the polite warning. The rush of the galaxy fades to this moment, to the tide of the Force that Luke feels all too acutely, parting to allow them this much. 

And after all the doubts in his life, Cassian believes he matters.


End file.
